How much do you miss me? BE HONEST. I KNOW YOU CRY YOURSELF TO SLEEP AT NIGHT WITH YOUR LITTLE TEDDY BEAR HUGGED TO YOUR CHEST. YOU SIT THERE LIKE "OH JASHIN WHERE'D MY FUCKING BFF IDOL GO?" And he's like, "Haha, fuck bro, I dunno. That Jan Valentine was pretty fucking kick ass, huh?" And then you guys jack off together.

Hey, Janice, you gotta stop having these faggot fantasies about me. Sorry, but I don’t roll that way. Honestly though, I was wondering if you finally kicked the bucket, dude.

Oh and guess what? Got you a little present to show my sentiments.

[leaves for a moment, riffles through a shelf somewhere, returns with a container of garlic powder]